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“Write what you know” is a terrible idea
Write what you know. That’s what all those people making a living giving other people advice say. “Write what you know.” That’s terrible advice and...

Q: What sorts of opera are there? A: Who cares?
“Well, basically there are two sorts of opera," said Nanny, who also had the true witch's ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no...

Are you a weirdo?
Are you a weirdo? How about a music nerd? Maybe a movie geek. How about a comic book fan? And do you know way too much about the entire family of...

4,000 of ’em in your Insta Feed
I swear. Just that one time. That's it. That's all I did. Now I get fed 472 of these things every day! Don't like to read? Victoria reads this email...

Why do you hate mimes?
Okay, just kidding. I know why you hate mimes. I just wanted my email to look interesting in your inbox. I see the usual 20% off stuff in there, and...

So, what do you get out of this?
I get it. Other than the unbridled joy you feel going to your inbox every Wednesday, and the lavish gifts that again, are found in your inbox on...

Who the hell would want to upset Dolly Parton?!
We made fun of Stuart the first day he went to work at the bank. Stuart's my brother. He's not really my brother, but he's my brother because he and...

They should totally ban my music
I'm lucky people don't know anything about music. I don't know anything about music, but I know what I like. And I like the artsy, cinematic stuff I...

Is peanut butter a liquid?
Is peanut butter a liquid? Before you answer that, go get your jar outta the cupboard and have a look. My Canadian sister-in-law loves Trader Joe's...

Tchaikovsky, Danny Elfman, Frank Zappa and Wile E. Coyote walk into a bar
Hi [insert name here] Tchaikovsky, Danny Elfman, Frank Zappa and Wile E. Coyote walk into a bar. You have to admit that's a pretty great opening...