I think The Rockettes are aliens
December 20, 2023


We went to the big Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall last week. Victoria had never been and I was pretty sure it was probably a little different from when I saw it in 1964 with my Mom and sister. Now, The Rockettes being aliens, would make an awesome Christmas movie, and make a whole lot of sense. It might even make a better movie than “Santa Claus Conquers The Martians,” which is a real movie I saw in 1964, and one that should always be shown in a double bill with “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Let’s make it a world where the aliens won’t have to come every December to save us from ourselves… and remember, I’m a size medium, and blue really highlights my eyes.

I’ll call it “When Mars Saved Christmas – based on a true story.” Working title.

Don’t like to read? Victoria reads this email to you!

Here’s the pitch. A martian spaceship crashes in Central Park. The aliens hide their ship and change their form to blend in with us humans. They then turn to the entertainment biz to make enough money to buy the parts they need to repair their ship and go home. However, things get complicated when they start to care about these puny humans, and decide they need to bring them a little joy with this thing called “Christmas.” It works so well, they return to earth every December to save the world from itself, and show off how high they can kick their alien legs.

There’re a few things to work out, but it’s already way better than “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” Contact me if you know anybody at Hallmark.

We also went to see The Rockettes because our dear friend Guilia is a Rockette. We’ve been lucky enough to have Guiia as one of the dancers in our show, and I am casting her as the captain of the alien ship who falls for Chris Pine. Contact me if you know Chris Pine, or his agent, or limo driver.

We have a lot of connections to The Rockettes. Okay, two, but how many do you have? We have two connections to The Rockettes. That’s a lot. Our other connection is Natalie, who has the distinction of being the youngest Rockette ever cast at age 16. We were very lucky to have Natalie choreograph one of our shows, and she’s funny as hell, so she’ll be the funny alien with a heart of gold.

if you’ve seen The Radio City Christmas Show you know I’m not wrong. The Rockettes are scary good. It’s not the kind of dancing you’d want to see everyday, but once a year to help save Christmas… it’s amazing. They are so precise, kinda like wholesome, sexy robots – which yes – wholesome, sexy robots are now going to be in the movie.

The Radio City Christmas Show is big, it’s unique, they do it right, and it’s a one-of-a-kind experience whether you see it in 1964 or 2023.

And that’s what we do in our shows (come on… you knew it was coming). We create big, unique, one-of-a-kind experiences, and we do them up right, so they leave a lasting impression on you for years to come.

No… we do not kick that high. Only aliens can kick that high. Okay, our dancers can probably do it, but the singers will quit on me if I bring that to rehearsal.

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah! Let’s make it a world where the aliens won’t have to come every December to save us from ourselves… and remember, I’m a medium, and blue really highlights my eyes.

That’s it. I’m not gonna get all mushy.

See ya ~ Kevin

PS: The website is high kicking its alien legs for Santa. The socials are still trying to buy parts for their wholesome, sexy robot.



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