Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: “there” }},

You’re anxious. I get it.

You’re about to go off to a foreign land, and what if you get there and want a bite of “Eat Me Cake” or a sip of “Drink Me Juice” or, heaven forbid, a steaming hot cup of tea…. and you can’t order it!

It’s not that you can’t order it. You can order til the cows come home. But if you don’t speak the language, you ain’t gonna get a sip, bite or steam of nothing.

You’re anxious. I get it.

But you know I got your back and won’t leave you hanging, or whatever else the kids say today. That’s why I’m gonna teach you to swear.

Yep, The Ultimate AliƧin Wonderland Tour will make any sane person anxious. That’s why we don’t let any sane people take the tour. But the rest of you also get a little anxious and we want to make your tour of the Wonder-hood as happy as possible.

Okay, we really don’t care if you’re happy, but if you’re anxious, there’s always whining and there’s nothing that hurts my ears more than a bus full of whining. So our motto is “The Wonder-hood, happy as possible, or at least happy enough so there’s no whining.”

Just trips off the tongue doesn’t it?

When is The Ultimate AliƧin Wonderland Tour, you ask?

*SOON* Mark you calendar. Don’t be late.

So… you’re anxious. I get it.

And that’s why we’re gonna teach you to swear in Wonderlandian. You wanna eat don’t cha? Well, listen up.

Say you take a trip to Paris (using your own money and not mooching off me). Only… you don’t speak French. So, maybe taking a trip to Paris was a terrible idea, but if you’re determined to go anyway, you gotta eat, right? So what’s a non-French speaking traveler to do?

Don’t like to read? No problem. Click the video and hear Victoria read to you. Watch Time 2:35

For those of you that can read, let’s continue shall we

Swear. Yep, just walk into any Maison du Food, point at something behind the glass and say in a firm, yet friendly tone, “Merde!” Don’t worry if you get a quizzical look at first. Just keep pointing and saying “Merde!” If at first it doesn’t work, just keep making your voice louder and louder and point more frantically at whatever it is you want to eat, and… eventually they’ll give it to you.

Many times they’ll give it to you for free. Sometimes they’ll even escort you to the door yelling “Merde!” right along with you.

Paris is the best.

Dude, are we going to Paris? And what’s in it for me?

You gotta get your own room this time. I’m serious.

Bottomline it for me

• You’re anxious. I get it.
• When is The Ultimate AliƧin Wonderland Tour?
• *SOON*
• Mark your calendar. Don’t be late.
• I didn’t say I was gonna teach you to swear in Wonderlandian today
• Stop whining

That’s it. I’m not gonna get all mushy.

See ya’ ~ Kevin

p.s. The website trips off the tongue. The Socials are more “Merde!”.

p.p.s. Whenever you’re ready, here are some more cool ways you can play along:

1. ​Subscribe to our YouTube Channel. It’s “moving” pictures folks. They’re pictures, and they move!
2. ​Like us on Facebook and Instagram, Hey, just one mouse click can help our self esteem.
3. ​Visit the Shop. You don’t have to buy anything. Just have a look around. The boss likes it if we look busy.
4. ​Share the newsletter. Know other people that would like our wacky hi-jinx? (You do too!) Don’t bogart the fun.