The Latest Hijinx

Is peanut butter a liquid? Before you answer that, go get your jar outta the cupboard and have a look. My Canadian sister-in-law loves Trader Joe's Crunchy Peanut Butter. Who doesn't? And in addition to it being way too freaking cold, you apparently can't get it in...

Tchaikovsky, Danny Elfman, Frank Zappa and Wile E. Coyote walk into a bar. You have to admit that's a pretty great opening line. You're thinking, "Great, Kevin's gonna tell us a joke, and it's probably got something to do with an Acme anvil falling on somebody's head...

Did your Mom ever tell you to wear clean underwear in case you got into an accident? Mine did. Which for those of you who know me, this probably explains a lot. So, when you stop judging, I can tell you that as far as I can figure out, the reason for this fixation on...

I go walking everyday. Well, almost everyday. I go everyday except those days when it's incredibly freaking butt-numbing cold outside. But, thanks to global warming, we haven't had many of those this year, so I go everyday. That didn't really come out right, and the...

Look, when I screw up, I admit it. At least most of the time, but I'm still not taking the blame for that thing we agreed we would never talk about. It was like that when I got there. Don't like to read? Victoria reads this email to you. https://youtu.be/71SdLvchW2U...

Never wonder again. Don't like to read? No worries. Victoria reads our email to you! https://youtu.be/g6a6TGw8XtY People always ask me, "Kevin, are Wonderland and Neverland the same place?" To which I ask, "Who the hell are you and how did you get in my apartment?"...

Don't like to read? No worries, Victoria reads out emails to you.https://youtu.be/nay4667uInc  Remember the magical kingdom I told you about last week? The place where you could simply check a box and all your dreams would come true? Okay, it’s a magical survey, but...

Don't like to read? Victoria reads our emails to you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do3VnhvlyeU What if there was a magical place where you could simply check a box and all your dreams would come true? A kingdom where a tiny click of your finger would give you...

Missed Valentine’s Day (again)? Nope.The toilet brush-plunger set is not gonna cut it.Wanna get outta the dog house? You need music.Boom-chicka-wow-wow music.Click the lick above to download it.Or play it on the page.It’s free.You’re welcome.Need more...

DANGLING BY A THREAD (featuring Victoria Levy) THE 411 So… there’s Peter Pan, the boy who won’t grow up (lucky kid). Well, like all kids he loses stuff. Only this kid loses his shadow. (How do you even do that?) Yep, The Pan loses his shadow in a sock drawer in the...

It’s new year. Yep, that’s an excellent example of lazy writing, cuz honestly, who the hell doesn’t know it’s a new year? I mean, it’s hardy even new anymore, and it certainly doesn’t have any of that new year smell left. If it’s a surprise to you that it’s a new...

Remember a week or so ago when you were stuffing your face with carbs like there’s no tomorrow? Well, it’s tomorrow. Time to face the music. Time to to pay the man. Time to pay the piper. What do I mean? Well, I’m gonna sit here, sip my margarita, and snack on my...

My dear friend Emily writes a beautiful end-of-the-year letter every year. It sums up her journey of the past 12 months. Fun events. Accomplishments big and small, as well as some of the painful moments. It's sweet, poignant and beautiful. You're not gonna get that...

Still stuffed from all your holiday leftovers. Still nursing that sore shoulder from when you lost the arm wrestling match with Uncle Billy for the last piece of pumpkin pie (he totally cheated)? Still sitting on the couch with your belt undone trying to write yet...

I get it. Thanksgiving’s tomorrow. You’ve spent the week trying to replicate Aunt Mimi's cranberry sauce that nobody really likes but it’s a tradition, so you may have missed the email about how you can GET THE AliƧin SOUNDTRACK CD FOR FREE! And that you can get it...

Forget that lame “mark down” crap… you deserve better than that. 50%? ? 75%? ? 90%? ? I would never insult you that way. In other ways yes, but not that way. That’s why you’re getting the amazing new AliƧin Soundtrack FOR FREE ?Just help us out with the shipping and...

I don’t usually get super excited. Super excited is not a good look. Especially on me. My mouth gets all crinkly, there’s this gleam in my eyes, my cheeks are all flush. I look… “happy”. I’m not into it. But I have to admit that I’m as close to “super excited” as I’m...

Look, I threw a lot at you last week, like Is he a large white dapperly dressed rabbit or isn’t he? In addition to AliƧin, do they create other immersive and interactive shows for my entertainment? What was that thing about Santa Claus and his parents crushing all his...

Look I know most of you realize that I’m not a giant Harvey-like white rabbit obsessed with checking his watch the way most people check their Insta feed. Well, maybe some of you realize that… I do understand the confusion.  I am tall, a pretty dapper dresser and my...

Remember last Halloween? So does everyone else... and except for that episode where we almost lost the Dormouse bobbing for Snickers, and the Cat thinking that real spiders would add "a really awesome touch"... it all went pretty well. Especially when everyone stopped...

That Vampirella costume is getting tired. I say that as a friend, and as someone who drew the short straw. Stop crying. We’re gonna make it all better with coloring. It’s like the banjo, you can’t color or hear the banjo and feel sad. The AliƧin’s Nightmare in...

Don’t look at me that way. I don’t ask the questions. I just go to the “Wonderland Question Box” every week, pull out a slip of paper at random, and answer the damn question. I lead a rich, full life. Okay, let’s break this down, shall we? A weather app would require...