DistroKid sent me an email.

For those of you not in the entertainment, music-type biz, DistroKid is how folks like me who make music, get their music up on Spotify and Apple Music and the dozens of other music streaming sites that all seem to have weird names and that no one in the world seems to listen to. I’m not sure what a Deezer is or what Tidal has to do with music, but most everyone has a Spotify account (I just have a free one), and you can also get music on the 800 pound gorillas like YouTube and Amazon or TenCent in China which is like the biggest of them all. But really, “Qobuz”, “Anghami”, “JioSaavn”? Now Bandcamp is cool. They sell your music and don’t rip you off and then you’ve got iHeartRadio, Pandora, Sirius XM and SoundCloud.

We’re mad at SoundCloud, cuz if you’ve got music up there those evil dudes just made a deal with the devil and they’re allowing AI to gobble up everyone’s music and “learn” from it.

Mission Impossible is wrapping up, so here’s my pitch for a new series of sci fi thrillers.

Some “Phantom of the Opera” type composer (a strong female lead) gets ripped off by “the man” (SoundCloud and the major labels), and she’s just about to end it all (in some dramatic and musical fashion) when… a truck full of chickens drives by (stay with me). Inspired by the clucking of the hens, she maxes out her credit cards and buys hundreds of small Casio keyboards. She takes all the keyboards to the largest chicken farm she can find. After falling in love with the handsome, sensitive and musically talented farmer (huge musical montage), the farmer lets her scatter the keyboards all over the farm and together they cover each keyboard with chicken feed.

The birds peck away furiously on all these keyboards, and… our brilliant composer, with the help of her handsome, sensitive and musically talented farmer boyfriend, record everything the chickens are pecking. Then she gives all these “songs” clever pop song names and uploads them to SoundCloud where AI gobbles them up. At first nothing happens. She thinks all their efforts have been for nothing, then… then it happens. AI starts to cough and choke on this huge tsunami of illogical chicken music but…  being the good evil robot that it is, it “thinks” this has to be the latest musical trend and starts spitting out its own AI-powered chicken music.

This immediately freaks out the listening public. They are not ready for chicken music (who would be) and everyone around the world immediately cancels all their music streaming subscriptions and start going out to live music events. Music is saved!

Oh, and the added bonus to all this is that all the major music labels double down on their own version of AI chicken music, and they immediately go bankrupt. And… music is saved!

I’m hoping I can get Paul Williams to reprise his role from “The Phantom of the Paradise.”

I didn’t know what was going to happen with I started with “Poolside Cosmonaut turns 4 today”, but I figure if I can land a nice 7 figure development deal (or get to meet Paul Williams), it will have been worth it.

Poolside Cosmonauts? That’s an album I wrote and produced during Covid. I would find or make up cool band names and then write and produce an album for them. Hey, it was Covid. I needed something to do.  Poolside Cosmonauts is a cool band. You should check them out. Play the whole album, if everyone on this list does, I could make a buck (literally, a buck).

Look, I did work in “live music” and “evil robots” as a reminder of Vox Lumiere Metropolis. We’re putting some cool tours together and it takes a minute, so thanks for being patient.

And since we’re on the subject of saving music, have you checked out the 2 CD METROPOLIS Soundtrack? It’s a bargain, and it’s a good start to rebuilding your CD collect that you’re going to want to have when the unsuspecting streamers crumble from the “Chicken Attack.”

That’s it. I’m not gonna get all mushy.

See ya ~ Kevin

p.s. The website just commissioned a beautiful oil painting of Paul Williams for the foyer. The socials swear you can hear “I buried Paul” if you play Chicken Attack backwards.