Library of Absolutely True Stuff

    Is candy corn an acceptable sugar substitute in tea? ☕️🐰 🫣

    Is candy corn an acceptable sugar substitute in tea? ☕️🐰 🫣

    It’s October. Don’t you hate emails that start by stating the obvious? It’s like, “Really? What makes you think in this day and age that I’m not painfully aware that it is now October?” It’s just lazy writing… Anyway, it’s October. It’s that dreaded of all months when...

    Of course we’re not having any fun  🐰💃🏼 🥳

    Of course we’re not having any fun 🐰💃🏼 🥳

    I’m not saying you’re missing out or anything, but… we’re only halfway through The Ultimate AliƧin Wonderland Tour and almost everyone has recovered from the jump down the rabbit hole! And if that wasn’t reason enough to celebrate, everybody on The Tour: Got Small on...

    Is there a Dress Code in Wonderland? 🐰💃🏼 👔

    Is there a Dress Code in Wonderland? 🐰💃🏼 👔

    Is there a Dress Code in The Hood? Well… yes and no. Mostly no, but here are a few suggestions that might help you avoid those stares from Wonderlandians. Which is hard to do ‘cuz we got a Hookah Dude, a, a crying Mock Turtle, an Egg Guy, Tweedle Twins (just to name a...

    Can you handle the truth about Wonderland?  🐰 🛸🤷🏼‍♂️

    Can you handle the truth about Wonderland? 🐰 🛸🤷🏼‍♂️

    The truth is out there. The truth will set you free. Yeah… but can you handle the truth? Of course you can. You signed up for this crazy ride, and that tells me that you’re a cool, free-spirted, independently-minded, snappy dresser who can, yes… handle the truth....

    Does Wonderland have a reality TV show? 🐰📺

    Does Wonderland have a reality TV show? 🐰📺

    Only 4 weeks until The Ultimate AliƧin Wonderland Tour. Our online interactive experience that gives you a sneak peek at our new multimedia mashup AliƧin. Check it out, this is super deep dive down the rabbit hole. And that’s not just great alliteration. The card...

    Do you have to “Get Small” in Wonderland? 🐰🍸

    Do you have to “Get Small” in Wonderland? 🐰🍸

    Say what you will about New Yorker’s (and Lord knows a lot has been said about them, and most of it’s true, but who asked you anyway loser!?) Sorry… And while there maybe a little less profanity in The WonderHood (and only marginally less), the thing New Yorkers...

    Are there Elephants in Wonderland? 🐘🍄🐰

    Are there Elephants in Wonderland? 🐘🍄🐰

    Look I’m not gonna be one of those guys who writes a long rambling introduction (usually because he has to hit at least 500 word or he doesn’t get paid), and makes you read through a bunch of stuff you could care less about or already know, or that anyone with the IQ...

    There are no lines in Wonderland 🙄 🐰 🍄

    There are no lines in Wonderland 🙄 🐰 🍄

    The WonderHood is the original name. Lewis was all, “You should rebrand., We can open a theme park., We’ll sell lunch boxes., It’ll be great!” What a maroon, and besides some guy name Walt (who names their kid Walt?) came in on a day pass and ripped off the whole...

    The most epic Wonderland fail ever

    The most epic Wonderland fail ever

    We used to advertise. I know, right? Dumb. 2-for-1 deals. Black Friday sales. We even had a sign showing people how to get here. Oy, what a mistake. The lines were insane. And coming from someone who is intimately familiar with insane, lemme tell you, those lines were...

    How many (rabbit) holes to fill The Albert Hall? 🐰 🕳

    How many (rabbit) holes to fill The Albert Hall? 🐰 🕳

    Some people just can not keep a secret. Take John Lennon. It’s no real secret he was down here a lot. He’s actually why we stopped our frequent flyer program. We were just losing too much money. John was here, a lot. He and The Hookah Dude were really tight. And, it...

    Moving to Wonderland 🐰 🚚 🕳

    I’ve noticed that when the weather gets really hot, lots of people up here like to put all their stuff in cardboard boxes, get a big orange truck and move their stuff from one place to another. Wonderlandians aren’t really sure what’s up with this, except maybe you...

    Wonderland. It’s none of your business

    Wonderland. It’s none of your business

    You know what the number one rule of Wonderland is? Many people think it’s “Never talk to the cat”. Which is an excellent suggestion, but it’s not a rule. And one you should really pay attention to because he’s a lying little… but I digress. The number one rule in...

    Wonderland sucks at keeping secrets 🤫🐰

    Wonderland sucks at keeping secrets 🤫🐰

    Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: "there" }}, Wonderland sucks at keeping secrets. If you ever start a sentence in the WonderHood with, “Now keep this under your hat….”, you might as well walk right into Western Union and send a telegram out to your...

    Wonderland: The birthplace of Summer🌞😎🐰

    Wonderland: The birthplace of Summer🌞😎🐰

    Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Ah, summer. That magical time when we break out our favorite pair of Bermuda shorts, proudly show off our achingly white legs and stand in 3-hour long lines at the airports while munching on a $17 snack bar scone. Mmm, scones. Summer?...

    The Egg is asking for it 🍳🐰

    The Egg is asking for it 🍳🐰

    Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less." "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many...

    Sleeping on the job 😴🐰

    Sleeping on the job 😴🐰

    Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: "there" }}, In the version you’ve been told, the Mouse gets a bad rap. “That” story makes the Mouse out to be some kind of dope who comes to a party only to sleep all over everything (and every body). Yeah, sure the Mouse...

    Not a good bet 🍄🐛

    Not a good bet 🍄🐛

    Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Mushrooms. You wouldn’t think you could build an empire with those tiny bits of fungus, but you’d be wrong. Apparently, mushrooms can make you rich. And they did make The Hookah Dude rich. Rich beyond your wildest dreams. My dreams are...

    The Queen sucks at gardening 🌹🙄

    The Queen sucks at gardening 🌹🙄

    Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], The Queen sucks at gardening. It’s true and she’s very sensitive about it. How do you think the whole “Off with their heads!” thing got started? Well, it started with daisies. Who doesn’t like daisies? The Queen liked daisies and, this isn’t...

    There’s no crying in Wonderland 😿🙄

    There’s no crying in Wonderland 😿🙄

    Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], People sometimes say to me, “You know, you’re a little snarky.” To which I say, “Shut up!”, or “Who asked you?, or “Says who?” But after I say that, I say, “Thanks.” Why? Don’t be a dope. You think this comes easy? Okay actually, it does...

    A Hot Tea Piñata ☕︎ 😳

    A Hot Tea Piñata ☕︎ 😳

    Hi [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], Wonderlandians love Cinco de Mayo. They do! They have no idea what it means, but they like the colors, and the music and the piñatas and it gives them a chance to put salt on the rim of their tea cups and well... you get it. Wonderlandians...

    Learn the swear words first 🤬

    Learn the swear words first 🤬

    Hi {{ subscriber.first_name | strip | default: "there" }}, You’re anxious. I get it. You’re about to go off to a foreign land, and what if you get there and want a bite of "Eat Me Cake" or a sip of "Drink Me Juice" or, heaven forbid, a steaming hot cup of tea…. and...

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